Growing Up

I'm not talking about my children . . . I'm talking about myself.

I celebrated a birthday this month.  I have no intention of telling you how old I am . . . let's just say I've been 29 for a few years now.  I've been growing up for a while now and I finally feel like an adult.

I am not really sure what pushed me out of my carefree youth and into this state of responsible adulthood.  It might be the 4 children that I now have to feed and clothe (among countless other tasks) every day.  It may be the bills, the grocery shopping, the menu planning, the laundry, the dishes or maybe even just the fact that I no longer feel like going out on a Friday night at 9:00 pm and staying out until 2:00 am.  I'm usually in my pajamas by 9:00 pm and drifting off to sleep by 11:00 pm.

It might have been losing so many people that I love recently.  Both of Jerry's grandmothers and my grandfather passed away in the last 2 years.  Having those people who always see you as a little kid around helps to keep you feeling like a little kid.  My grandfather never really treated me like an adult - even though I had 4 kids and was married - I was always his little granddaughter.

There are a lot of things I miss about my early/mid 20s.  I remember my bar/club days vividly and not so vividly.  I wasn't a heavy drinker but I did overdo it on occasion. There are a lot of things I would love to do again - like late night talks that last until early morning with good friends and good music WITHOUT having to worry about how early a baby/kid will be waking me up the next day.  There are a lot of people that I miss on a daily basis because they just don't seem to fit into my life anymore.  I'd love to throw darts, play a jukebox and do a couple shots without having to worry about how my body was going to feel when the time came to rise and shine.  I often think that I would love to have some FUN again . . .  Then I remember what my brother-in-law, Len, said about parenthood, "This is just a different kind of fun."

Instead of waking up with a headache, I wake up to hugs and kisses and little voices saying, "Mama!" when I walk in the room and turn on the light.  Instead of my hair smelling like stale smoke from some bar or club I was in, I get to inhale the fresh smell of recently showered baby's hair - our scent these days is watermelon.  :)  Instead of trying to remember what I said or did the night before, I am trying to remember to send in permission slips and lunch money.

It is a different kind of fun and I'm sure that one day I will be thinking about this post and saying, "There are a lot of things about the 5th, 6th and 7th time I turned 29 that I really miss"